Happy Valentine

DILEMMA.
You want to hold hands with a real-live human love interest, however years and yeeeears of painstaking internetting have rendered you socially handitarded. What to do?!

Frantic masturbation?
NOT TODAY. maybe later.

Fret not, pale friend! Luckily the information age has had the same effect on others AND generated a feverish interest in competitive child sports. BEHOLD. Sneaky hand-holding in the guise of bloody thumb wrestling!

Click it. If you require further instruction you probably don't deserve to live. 

You and your equally developmentally-stunted someone will be doing the horizontal hopscotch in no time. Either that or you'll end up emotionally destroyed when they shoot you down for being the kind of idiot that tries to initiate fluid exchange via shitty arts and crafts FROM THE INTERNET.

Idiot.

The trap I set for you

seems to have caught my leg instead.

Bonus: In a sweater poorly knit!
Bonus-er: Brother, Sister!

Bonus P.S. I don't care if you don't think that's cool, I don't think you're cool.

Brother, Sister by mewithoutYou

Meetings

Early exciting ones.

Meetings

Fall

It makes me think of swings.

Hurr hur hurrr

FU, CRIME.

Folks of all ages in my 'hood are assembling a neighborhood watch because they're tired of coming home to find their houses emptied by naughty, selfish jerks.

Internet, if your sad, sorry little neighborhood doesn't have a neighborhood watch and crime has been telling you FU, you should get together with your neighbors and tell crime to FU instead. Only the U would be crime. Otherwise you'd be encouraging crime to continue Fing you, and that defeats the purpose entirely. So make a neighborhood watch and don't get F'ed. I joined up and am helping out my neighborhood watch by coloring on paper with smellymarkers.

I kid. I'm designing badass shit because badass shit thwarts the tits off of crime and then crime goes to jail titless.
- Of course then it meets other like-minded criminals that it hooks up with after it's titless release from the clink and commits more crime but then the neighborhood watch TATTLES ON THAT SHIT AGAIN only HARDER.

Our neighborhood mascot/logo/giant thing that flies around like it owns the place and makes noise in the trees is an Owl. (See that? My neighborhood was way badass long before Urban Outfitters discovered deciduous forests.) Only it's cute and friendly and is all "welcome to my branch, dudes!"
So I made a Cutty-Sark drinkin' dad owl that doesn't like what it sees going on over there on that fucking branch and horks up vole pellets at 65 miles per hour. AT CRIME.

I'm kidding again. I just made this and it's grumpycute:

Here's what it will look like when we all live in a crime-free Photoshop:

And we're printing shirts! (We all need new shirts since every last one of ours have been stolen by asshole criminals.)

If you'd like to pretend that you live here and only wear shirts that are classy colors - or if you think neighborhood watches are ironic and can't get enough of that shit - I know a guy that knows a guy. We can make this happen.

More to come. We're putting together an event with the Fire Department in November. That means we're official.

...Officially telling crime to F itself. OHHHH

Omelette, the naughty no-nos

Meetings

It's a bird-thing. It looks like a boy drew it.

Let's pretend: grown-up manbabies

Sylvester Stallone, Nicholas Cage and Daniel Craig roll around for a clammy 45 minutes and make a glowing bundle of tax deduction that blossoms into a Bud Ice drinking methflower with an unfortunate case of ears growin' all up out the cheek.

Nailed iiit.

Bomb pop

Well, there you have it.

Meetings

Meetings

Two doodles and one dog

 

 

 

July 4th Extravaganza

A miniature fair is in town. I've already had a funnel cake and a bomb pop.

 

 

 

 I have no more updates at this time.

Sketchbook Boneyard

Some doodles of some folks, a skullyhead and a yellyface. Fascinating.